the other side

make me cry

2008-05-05T10:51:00.002+08:00

poy,
naalala nanaman kta. kahit alam kong hindi mo to mababasa. eto mga kanta ko para syo.

-----

"Alam kong mayroon nang iba
Sa kilos mo'y nadarama
Mukhang ako ay kinalimutan mo na
Wala nang masasabi
`di ba Ang kapit mo'y kay lamig na
Pati halik mo'y wala nang gana
Maagaw ka man ng iba sa akin
Pag-ibig ko'y patuloy pa rin

Sa isip ko'y yakap ka pa
Sa isip ko'y walang iba
Mananatiling ikaw ang kapiling
Kahit sa isip ko na lamang"
- Sa Isip Ko - Agot Isidro

-----

"It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories

'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fallInto the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know
I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight"
- A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

-----

naalala nnmn kita.. i love you...

memoirs of an ex

2008-04-13T20:32:00.002+08:00

yesterday, i was at work. overtime.

pagkauwi ko, cbi nung kasambahay namin, may tumawag daw sakin. c ***** daw. dalawa lng ang kilala kong ganun ang pangalan. c ex. at c buddy.

since me and buddy are not in good terms since friday night. i thought it was him. i texted him nung gabi while i was out. i asked him if he called. he said no.

that leaves ex to be the potential caller.

parang nananadya ata ang tadhana. yung isa sa mga kaibgan ko na kasama ko dat nyt was waiting for her sister, kasi may party daw sa t.morato. since d cya familiar sa lugar, she asked him if this certain resto existed along that area. guess wat. sympre pangalan nnmn ni ex yung name nung resto.

that night din, my other friend asked me if i can bring him home. i did. ang bahay nya malapit sa bahay ni ex. nadaanan ko yung:
1. yellow cab, where we first met.
2. avenetto, ang fav resto ni ex.
3. ang place kung san cya nagwork dati.
4. bank, where i use to fetch him.
5. syempre nadaanan dn nmn ang small mall na kung san kami lumabas at namili ng cd dati.
6. ang figaro kung san kami nag coffee.
7. yung gym kung san cya nagwowork out.

on the way home, nadaanan ko naman
1. ang starbucks n favorite namin tambayan.
2. at syempre ang SM na kung saan kami unang lumabas.

habang asa kotse kami ng barkada ko, naiiyak n tlga ako. hindi ko lng pinahalata. dyahe, lalaki un. at baka mag usisa pa. madrama pero halos umiiyak na ako on the way home.

today, nadaanan ko ang mccafe kung san kami nagexhange ng christmas gifts nung christmas of 2005.

at parang sadyang nananadya ang tadhana. yung caller id namin, walang battery, i had no idea who really called up yesterday. today i tried changing the batteries. at first i was scanning the numbers na. then, biglang nawala. inadjust ko yung batteries. nagreset ang caller id. wala na.

kebs nalang. ayoko na umasa sa wala.

cbi nga ni DN, "kung di ukol, hindi bubukol".

back

2008-04-05T18:55:00.012+08:00

im back.

been busy with a lot of things... new phone, holy week, cough, varicosity of something in my nose, blood, xray, hospital, problems, work problems, etc..

was happy the other day, because i'm expecting an increase in my compensation after one year of working... in hoping for a 50% increase... but im expecting just 10% or maybe just 5. hope for the best. expect the worst.

the other day at work, i was sitting beside one of my office mate's son. adorable as in. bulol pa, kaya ang sarap kausap (tipong baby talk). "ang tosyal" wahahahaha. fun that i got to take care of him the whole day pero parang naisip ko nanaman na gusto ko na magka anak. pero kamusta nmn, wala ngang girlfriend, pano magkakaanak db?! at isa malaking kamusta ka naman, dahil plu nga ang lolo nyo.

yun na nga, pumasok sa isip ko ang magkaanak, at syempre pumasok din sa isip ko kung kanino, wahahahaha! syempre dapat asa level nila jenna jameson, paris hilton, lindsay lohan, devin ng seancody (ay wait, bat nasama ito dito? whahahaa parang mali ata... ) ah basta un, so nag iisip nga ako, at syempre naalala ko yung isang kalendaryong talaga namang mdyo nakaka L. kaya pinuslit ko ang pagkuha ng mga litrato na to... syempre sa mga pagkakataong ito n lng nabubuhay ang pagka straight ko...

yun lang. sensya na bastos.. =) minsan lang yan.

pussy-mouse experience

2008-03-16T12:33:00.003+08:00

(paglabas ko ng shower)

person1: punked, alm mo kgbi nakaupo ako dyan sa beanbag nanunuod ng tv, tapos biglang may dagang tumakbo! natakot ako! akala ko papasok sa "ano" ko. di nga ako makatulog, mga 1am nko nakatulog
punked: hahahahahahahaahahahahha

*knowing how person1 sits (todo bukaka) and her attire gbi gbi (nighty lng), and nacbi ko nlng

punked: DI KA KASI NAGPAPANTY EH!

nakakita ang daga ng pussy, natakot, kaya cgro tumakbo, thus, person1's pussy-mouse experience...

un lng =)

memoirs of an ex

2008-03-15T08:06:00.002+08:00

while driving home from a training last thursday...

saw this.
took a pic.
memories.
sad.
...

laugh trip

2008-03-14T20:35:00.001+08:00

ahya DN was telling me about this since two days ago, i think, but it was only a while ago that i got to see this, courtesy of some officemates...

shit, 30 mins ata ako tumatawa mag isa knna! hahahahahaa

training

2008-03-14T20:14:00.004+08:00

yesterday, i conducted a training for two thai employees of this multinational company.

superior: hi i'm ____, you're?
thai1: (thai-name)
superior: (repeating thai-name)

superior: i'm _____, you are?
thai2: (incomprehensable-thai-name)
superior: i'm sorry?
thai2: (repeating incomprehensable-thai-name)
superior: i'm sorry?
thai2: (again with her incomprehensable-thai-name)
superior: i'm sorry?
thai2: YOU CAN CALL ME PU.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

me (while conducting the training): for this particular CLEARING transaction, no CLEARING will be made since no CLEARING was specified in the configuration.
me: is that CLEAR?
(aun, awa ng diyos, pinagtawanan ako ng lahat ng tao sa room, pasimuno pa ang boss ko!)

hahahahaha

un lang.

shuffle.schmuffle (from DN, Mugen, and Makmak)

2008-03-14T10:46:00.015+08:00

Instructions: Load up all your music.- from my mobile
Put it on shuffle/random.
For each question, answer with the next track that plays.

-----

01. How does the world see me?

"if i could steal your heart would i be out of line?
if i could show you then i would make you mine.
tonight i'm alive, this moment i'm... here with you"
- Here With you (Intrinsic/ The Hot Rocks)

-----

02. Will I have a happy life?

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"
- Fix You (Coldplay)

* wow, inspiring... sana nga punked iguide ka ng mga ilaw na yan.

-----

3. What do my friends really think of me?

"I can't hear what you're saying
What you're doing to me
It would take the jaws of life to pry open your words
so pry open your words

I don't want to talk about Elvis
No I don't want to go on pretending
It feels like I'm talking to
Talking to Charlie Brown's Parents
It feels like I'm talking to
A lonely man without a vision
Stuffed his mouth with indecision
Why he's a lonely man without a vision
Stuffed his mouth with indecision"
- Charlie Brown's Parents (Dishwalla)

*asdwqawe jd01001a ldjladj sdaluyjk dak01 010101?
mahirap ba akong intindihin?
pero mukhang totoo nga, mysterious at malalim daw ako. sabi nila.

-----

04. Do people secretly lust after me?

"Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope"
- Only Hope (Mandy Moore)

* parang ako ata ang may masamang balak sa ibang tao haha

-----

05. How can I make myself happy?

"it's 2am i'm starting to rouse
im waiting for you to come
i never felt this way before
my focus is way gone

cause i am happy, happy yeah
i am happy, happy yeah

now you're here
the joy i feel surrounds me so greatly
can't imagine this feeling happening now coming to me

cause i am happy, happy yeah
i am happy, happy yeah"
- I'm Happy (Cista)

-----

06. What should I do with my life?

"We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are all innocent (youll have to let it go)
We are, we are (youll have to let it go, no..)

We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are, we are (youll stand up on your own)
We are, we are all innocent (youll stand up on your own..)"
- Innocent (Our Lady Peace)

* you'll have to let it go, you'll stand up on your own... naka naman. parang nakikisama tlga tong telepono ko ah!

-----

07. Will I ever have children?

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life "
- How to Save a Life (The Fray)

* parang bad premonition. tsk tsk.

-----

08. What is some good advice for me?

"Oh and you come crash into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more and show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream

Oh I watch you there through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you wear it so well tied up and twisted the way I'd like to be For you, for me, come crash into me"
- Crash into Me
(Dave Matthews Band)

*punked, magpakalalaki ka na daw! wahahahahaha

-----

09. How will I be remembered?

"Some time later I met a young graduate
When I had nobody to call my own
I told her I was looking for somebody to appreciate
And I just couldn't do it alone
So for awhile we conducted experiments
In an apartment by the River Road
And we found out that the two things we put together had a
Bad tendency to explode

All about chemistry
Won't you show me everything you've learned
I'll memorize everything you do to me so I can
Teach it when it comes my turn"
- Chemistry (Semisonic)

* fuckers, i'll be remembered as a perv. shit!

-----

10. What is my signature dance song?

"Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies"
- Learning to Breathe (Switchfoot)

*para naman akong lampa yan.

-----

11. What do I think my current theme song is?

"He's just the kind of man
You hear about
Who leaves his family for
An easy out
They never saw the signs
He never said a word
He couldn't take another day

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand
Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders
Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears
The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years"
- Hollow Years (Dream Theater)

* waaahhh. galing. saktong sakto.

-----

12. What song will play at my funeral?

"....." (instrumental)
- 靜悄悄的好嗎? (盛夏光年 - Eternal Summer - OST )

my translation: please keep quiet..

* hahaha ayaw ko p nmn ng tahimik na wake. gsto ko party! hehe. celebration of my life =)

-----

13. What type of people do I like to date?

"....." (insrumental)
- First Love (Utada Hikari) - Piano Version

-----

14. What is my day going to be like?

"....."(instrumental)
-所以離開吧 (盛夏光年 - Eternal Summer - OST )

my translation: so i'll(you'll) leave/ the reason i(you) left

* hmmmm, it's someones last day here in the project, and i know why she's leaving. greener pastures. (as in super green!) wahahahaha

-----

sumakto yung last 3 songs ko puro instrumental na...

pampalipas oras nga dito sa trabaho wahahaha...

*edited (added pictures).

fly birdie fly part2

2008-03-12T19:59:00.009+08:00

yan yung suot ko knna...

itim ang slacks ko wahahaha.. kaya kamusta naman. wahahhaaha

fly birdie fly

2008-03-12T09:33:00.002+08:00

shit.

bukas ang zipper ko nung papasok ako ng office.

shit.

bright blue pa nmn ang boxer briefs ko today.

dyahe

rape.

2008-03-11T10:29:00.001+08:00

ganda ng panaginip ko.

nirape daw ako nung crush ko na nakikita ko halos every sunday sa mass.. wahahahahaha.

habla espanol

2008-03-10T18:18:00.003+08:00

its 6:23pm, d pko makauwi..

while going through old email, i found this...

nakakaaliw...

scene: in a mall

person1: Hola! En que puedo servirle?
punked: Hola! Haga usted el favor de darme camisa .
person1: De que tamaño?
punked: Qué tamaños usted tienen?
person1: Tenemos grande, medio, y pequeño.
punked: Bueno, pequeño.
person1: De que color?
punked: Tienen blanco?
person1: Si. Por favor espera.
person1: Es de buena calidad. La camisa es de EE. UU.
punked: Ah si?!
punked: Puedo probar esto camisa?
person1: Si señor.
punked: Es muy agradable! Cuanto es?
person1: Es solamente quinientos.
person1: Algo mas?
punked: Nada mas. Puede usted envolver esto camisa?
person1: Si señor.
person1: Muchas gracias senor!
punked: Gracias!

spanish lessons.

bow.

(pardon the grammatical errors)

man is condemned to be free...

2008-03-10T11:22:00.005+08:00

chopsuey

last night i caught something in cinema one, ganda. plus the fact na andun c papa piolo. pusang hilaw nakakabakla tlga... wahahaha

chop suey yung title nung indie film by catherine camarillo, i wasn't able to see the whole film.. will have to check the net for show times...

aside from the fact na kwento siya ng isang fil-chi or chinoy family (however you want to put it), what really struck me was yung last part, nung nag momonologue na c papa piolo.

d na 'to verbatim ah sympre.. (at based sa subtitle ko na kinopya 'to, kaya english na)

"man is condemned to be free"
"free to cry until your tears run dry"
"... "( d ko na nakopya)
"free to fight until your body is numb"
"free to love, until it hurts, until you set yourself free"
"parang ningas, parang ... parang ... " (shit i have to get the screenplay of this!)

parang ganyan, bsta parang ganyan...

ganda...

"man is condemned to be free" taena naalala ko to from philo class.. c sartre ata nagcbi nito, nakalimutan ko na premise nito (or talagang d ko lng tlga cya nagets nung inaaral ko cya wahahaha) bsta maganda yung pagkasabi nung pelikula...

sakin kasi, lahat lahat ng mga nangyayari, nandyan dahil may dahilan. kung magpapaapekto tyo, asa sa atin na un... kaya pikon ako sa mga taong ginagawang dahilan ang ibang tao sa failure at katamaran nila. kasi in the end. ikaw mismo ang nagdedesisyon sa sarili mong buhay. kaya nga may "free will" tayo diba? oo, naapektuhan itong free will na to ng mga circumstances, pero aun nga, ikaw pa rin nmn ang magdedesisyon...

kung malungkot ka, ginusto mong maging malungkot. asa sayo kung kelan mo gugustuhing sumaya.

kung masaya ka, good for you. you chose to be happy.

shed ng tent

2008-03-07T09:53:00.002+08:00

last month while driving to work
(stoplight. we were at the leftmost lane of quirino ave.)

dad (seated at the back of the car, pointing to the right side): punked, yung shed ng tent nila pareho b sa atin
ako: huh?
dad: yung shed ng tent ba.
ako: huh? hindi kita maintidihan (all the while i thot he was referring to the waiting shed dun sa baba ni nicole scherzinger, kasi naman "shed" and naririnig ko. pero nakakapagtaka dahil wala namang tent dun?) hmmmmmmmm

mom: punked, "SHADE NG TINT"

epal, yung tinutukoy pala ni papa e yung shade ng tint ng innova sa tabi namin.

pusang hilaw, bisaya tlga tatay ko. hahahaha

ang sakit sakit na.

2008-03-06T12:12:00.010+08:00

One More Chance
(context: sinugod ni John Lloyd c Bea habang kasama ni Bea c Derek)
John Lloyd kay Bea: Mahal na mahal kita ... Ang sakit sakit na.

i haven't seen the movie. and i'm not planning to see it in the near future dahil panigurado iiyak ako. kasi naman of all names na pwde gamitin! wahahaha
aun...

flashback a few years ago...
we've been friends for quite some time before we really started talking. siguro 4th yr HS palang ako, ym buddies na kami, although our conversations then ay puro ungol at mura lang =)

nung third yr college nko, we had this ym conversation, i cant excatly remember kung may gnwa kami nun, bsta it progressed to him giving me his telepone number and me eventually calling him (or the other way around, d ko na maalala). noong mga time na yun, on the rocks sila nung girlfriend nya, he felt he was neglected ata. and being the friend that i am, ako ang naging "crying shoulder" niya.

eventually, during the course of that one week na we were talking hanggang madaling araw sa telepono, he broke it off with his girlfriend then, and started making the moves sakin. hahaha. hanggang sa umabot nalng sa isang time (madaling araw ulit) na parang inaalok nko ng relationship. eh ako naman during that time ayoko tlga sa same sex relationship (hanggang ngayon dn naman hypockrito ka!). tripper tripper kuno ako. hahaha.

ang ending sinabihan ako ni ex ng "ang hirap mo naman timplahin"
taena naginit ang ulo ko. and sagot ko "gago ka pala eh, tinitimpla mo lng pala ako."

pero eventually naging "parang" kami.

first meeting namin sa yellow cab sa visayas ave. sabado un. UPCAT 2005. galing akong klase, nalate pko dahil sa lintek na accounting class.

eventually may nangyari samin nung gabing un.

dat was august 2005. on and off kami dahil nga sa situation ko na ayaw ko ng relationship. pero kht walang relationship, faithful ako pare. sobra sobra. i still call him using yung term of endearment namin kahit hindi na kami.

fast forward
april/may 2006, internship ko sa isang opisina sa makati, pinuntahan nya ako para ibigay ang pasalubong niya galing sa recent trip nya sa galera. sobrang happy ko to see him kahit na may malaking sugat pko sa labi na parang sinapak ng kung sino.
that was the last time i saw him...

unti unti n lang siyang nawala n parang bula. he wasn't texting me as often as he used to.

nalaman ko na lang may iba na. lets call this other guy "doc".

doc
this person started sending me ym messages anonymously, syempre ako, walang pakialam nung una kasi nga nag yym cya dun sa totoo kong id, which is solely for business and frends use only. walang kalibugan.

til one time, he caught my attention kasi he asked if i knew this certain person. guess who? c ex.
nagdeny ako, i thot it was some prank at hinuhuli lng ako.
eventually he told me na lm nyang kilala ko c ex dahil nga ex ko daw c ex. and cya daw ang bago ni ex.

DEVASTED.

in fairness to doc, siya ang gumawa ng paraan para makapagusap kami ni ex. ang cbi pa nya nun, "if kayo tlga, ako na lng ang lalayo"

pinagtatabuyan
so nagkausap nga kami sa telepono dahil kay doc. sobrang iyak at hagulgol ang ginawa ko. nagmamakaawa nko kay ex nun.

pero ang tanging cncbi nya sakin "bakit tayo ba?"

shit. putangina.

fast forward ulit
once in a while nagpaparamdam c doc sa akin, or c ex. minsan tatawag ako kay ex, ang ccbhn skn, magkasama sila ni doc at kakatapos lang daw nilang mag ekek.

hanggang sa nawala na lang silang tuluyan c ex.

doc was communicating with me once in a while, telling me how much ex loved me. na ang alm nya babalikan daw ako ni ex. etc etc.

last na fast forward
cgro mga oct 2007 nagkausap pa kami ni ex. un nga ang cbi niya skn asa cebu na daw siya. at buntis na ang gf nya. pero that time, he was still calling me "be". eh ako alam ko kung san lulugar kaht na mahal ko siya, kaya hindi ko masdyo sinasagot ang mga "be" nya.
nakahalata.

ang cbi niya sakin. "ayaw mo na ata tawagin kita 'be'".
ang sagot ko "gusto ko. gustong gusto" (may kasama nang luha ito)

conversation ended.

i tried to contact him after that. wala nang sumasagot sa cp nya.

last conversation
jan 2008, after telling doc that i just wanted to talk to ex. ex called me up. (actually missed call) then i called him up. conversation lasted more or less 30mins.

excerpt of the conversation:

ako: kamusta ka na?
ex: eto may anak na, pero di pa kasal
ako: bakit
naman?
ex: may inaantay ako eh
(...)
ako: mahal n mahal parin kita
(wala nkong pakialam sa kung san ako dapat lumugar)
ex: wag kang ganyan, baka
mapauwi ako ng manila ng wala sa oras
ex: try ko umuwi dyan this
weekend

nag antay ako nung weekend na un, pati yung sumunod walang nangyari.

towards the end of the conversation:

ex: cge na, bye na
ako: ok
ex: kaw na magbaba
ako:
ikaw na
ex: bye
ako: bye
ex: bye
(...)
ako: bye

call ended.

that was it. umasa pa ako nun, dahil ramdam ko habang naguusap kami na mahal pa rin nya ako (or pwde ding sinasakyan na lang niya ako) i don't know.

d ko kinaya yung conversation na un. so i had to send him an email (kasi nga d n nya masdyo ginagamit yung cp # niya na alam ko)

Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2008 14:20:48 -0800 (PST)

From: xxxxxx

Subject: ei...

To: xxxxx

I don’t know where to start… Siguro, pasalamat muna ako na I was able to talk to you again after a very long time. Sobrang salamat talaga. You just don’t know how thankful I am that I was able to talk to you again. Tagal ko ng ginusto na makausap ka, pero somehow, hindi ko alam kung ano mararamdaman ko right now. Masaya kasi I was able to talk to you, but at the same time sobrang lungkot knowing that ibang iba na talaga ang sitwasyon ngayon. Somehow, towards the end of that conversation, nung puro “bye” n lng ang narinig ko, it felt really bad. Kasi hindi ko alam kung kailan na ulit tayo magkakausap or kung magkakausap pa ba tayo ulit.
I always thought na I would be at your end. Napagusapan nga natin dati na pag nagkapamilya ako or ikaw, dapat maging masaya tayo sa isa’t isa. Don’t get me wrong, masaya talaga ako sa mga nangyari syo. God knows I’m happy na tahimik na rin ang buhay mo. Sabi ko nga parati sa sarili ko, kung papipiliin naman talaga ako, hindi ko pipiliin na maging ganito. Pero iba pa rin pala talaga yung sa ganitong sitwasyon. I thought dati, pag ako nauna nagkapamilya, madali lang for you to just be there. Pero ang hirap pala. Madali siguro if we both had families of our own. Pero, ako ngayon yung asa losing end. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, dose of my own medicine. Sobrang iba pala talaga ang sitwasyon. For whatever pain I’ve caused you dati, I don’t know, pero I guess this hurts much much more. It hurts sobra knowing that I can never have you. I’m really sorry for whatever pain I’ve caused you. God knows how much I regretted having to do that dati. And God knows how hurt I was that time. Kahit hanggang ngayon, I’m still hurting, but eventually I’ll be okay. Sana lang napatawad mo na ako sa mga nagawa ko noon . I just regretted na hindii tayo nakapag usap ng maayos noon . Ikaw lang laman ng puso ko noon hanggang ngayon. I know I can’t prove that to you, pero yun talaga ang totoo. As much as it hurts, siguro I’ll stop bothering you na din. In a way, ayoko na makagulo sa pamilya mo. Sobrang sakit and sobrang lungkot talaga after I put down yung phone, kasi hindi ko na alam kung kailan pa kita muling makakausap. Pwedeng mamaya, pwdeng bukas, pwdeng next week, next month, o baka hindi na. =( Basta alam mo naman na andito lng ako parati. Andidito lang naman ako the whole time. Siguro, right now, masaya na rin dapat ako, knowing that okay ka, at okaya lahat sa iyo. Please, please don’t get me wrong, don’t feel obliged to talk to me again, hindi ako nagmamakaawa for you to talk to me again. Just follow your heart. Do what you think is right. Pray. Salamat ulit for everything. Salamat sa oras mo. I really wish you and your family all the best. May God continue to shower you with His blessings. Hanggang dito na lang. Again, salamat ulit and God bless.

P.S. Heto yung list na sinsabi ko sa iyo. I just have to get this out of my system.

Reasons why I love you (I don’t know if maaalala mo pa or if magegets mo pa)

- kasi barbers siya
- kasi magaling siyang mag u turn

- kasi lagi ka text “andito na ako sa planta be”

- kasi siya lang nagpaiyak sa akin ng toso

- kasi kahit hinintay niya ako sa yellowcab ng 45 minutes okay lang

- kasi kahit late yung trabaho niya the day before okay lang makipagmeet sa akin 6 AM

- kasi bumili siya ng webcam for me

- kasi kahit lasing siya kinakausap niya ako

- kasi di na siya inom ng anti-dep

- kasi siya lng bebe ko

- kasi seloso siya

- kasi kahil bad ako, forgive niya ako

- kasi lahat ng gusto ko ginagawa niya for me

- kasi hayop yung dila niya

- kasi pareho kami ng mga sinasabi

- kasi lagi pareho nararamdaman naming

- kasi sabi niya dati sa sobrang mahal niya sa akin susulatan niya ako ng kanta

- kasi tinulungan niya ako sa philosophy ko dati.. “happiness is not of this world”

- kasi kahit puro scientific at mathematical terms na pinagsasabi niya nacucute-an pa rin ako sa knya

- kasi ayaw niya pahawak butt niya

- kasi pareho kaming inaantok sa coffee

- kasi kapag pawis na ako, papahiran niya

- kasi hawak lang niya iba na sa pakiramdam ko

- kasi lagi niya ako nililibre ng coffee

- kasi titig pa lang niya tunaw na ako

- kasi siya lng nagpapaligaya sa akin

- kasi pag may problema siya, ako ang tinatawagan niya

- kasi sinubuan niya ako dati ng French fries

- kasi kahit dinala ko siya sa starbucks sa tapat ng BPI sa morato ok lang

- kasi kapag hawak niya ako feel ko safe ako

- kasi lagi niya inaalala kalagayan ko

- kasi alagang alaga niya ako

- kasi pag sinabi ko magdala siya ng paying magdadala siya, pag sabi ko cap siya, nagcacap siya, pag sabi ko inom ka 2 glasses of H2O per day, sinusunod niya...

revelation
a couple of days after, nakausap ko c doc. may inamin sakin c doc.
HINDI NAGING SILA NI EX. straight c doc, at business lng tlga ang relationship nila ni ex. pinagpanggap siya ni ex para pagselosin ako. c ex dat time nakipagbalikan dun sa ex gf nya na hiniwalayan niyo nung nagkakilala kami.

shit. putangina.

may ncbi pa c doc. isa dn daw sa dahilan kung bakit ako hiniwalayan, ayaw ko daw magpa bottom. =( putangina kung un lang gsto niya, kht buong araw buong buwan nya ako tirahin payag ako. ganun ko siya kamahal.

parati sinasabi skn ni doc na mahal nga daw tlga ako ni ex at akala daw babalikan ako. sa loob loob ko, iba ang sinasabi sa gngwa...

last thing na alm ni doc kay, paalis na daw ata papuntang canada. naalala ko tuloy yung plans nya for us dati, na sa canada daw kami maninirahan.

hindi na matutupad un, iba na isasama niya sa canada.

ayaw ko na rin guluhin ang pamilya nya. lalo na lalaki p ang anak niya. cbi nga nya "sana hindi matulad sakin"

ninong sana ako nung anak niya, usapan namin un. d na rn natupad.

bsta isa lng alam ko. mahal ko pa rin siya.

as much as i want to hate him, hindi ko magawa. kasi wala siyang gnwang masama skn.
its been almost two years. pero eto parn ang nararamdaman ko.

"Mahal na mahal kita ... Ang sakit sakit na."

any takers? =)

2008-03-06T11:36:00.001+08:00

pangarap ko pa rn maging porn star. wahahahaha. joke

ex

2008-03-06T09:30:00.001+08:00

it was his birthday 2 days ago. i can't even greet him through sms. yung cp # na alam ko, hindi na nya in-o-on.

kht man lang sa lecheng friendster. c kenny na lng ng southpark nakikita kong picture dun.

pathetic me tried to greet him through email.

Date: Tue, 4 Mar 2008 05:52:04 -0800 (PST)
From: "xxxxx"
Subject: happy birthday
To: xxxxx

happy birthday xxxxx... god bless...

i got to talk to his "ex-apparent" last night. (details of this story to follow) i dreamt of him last night. nasa bahay daw namin siya, my sister knows him. i reintroduced him. pati na rin sa rest of the family. everythings blurry now. can't remember the details, much as i want to.

its been almost 2 yrs. (details to follow)

im still not over him.

=(

another "first post"

2008-02-04T19:53:00.000+08:00

i will start a new blog. AGAIN. haha